I was at a social skate hosted at the Gateshead indoor sports centre (home of the Newcastle Roller Derby league) on Saturday and was chatting to one of my friends who has some of the same issues as I do, and I realise that at least 90% of quite overweight girls share a few secrets that they dont really talk about. We eat (obviously), but a lot more than anyone but us really know.
We try to make ourselves look like dainty eaters. We may not order a salad, but we're probably not going to order an extra large quardruple cheese burger meal in front of you either. We go through drivethrus when noones at home, and buy large meals and hide the evidence (put the wrappers under the garbage/in to neighbours bins, etc).
Most of us at one stage or another have been asked 'When are you due?' Now, personally, I think this is one of the most singular stupid and offensive things anyone can ever say. I make a point of never ever ever asking anyone that question unless I know for a FACT that they are having a baby. Unless you've had someone say that to you (I've had it twice) you have no idea how mortifying it is.
We forget how massive we are! I dont know about anyone else, but when I think about myself, I dont see the 135kg behemoth that I have become, I think of myself as a chubby 90 kilo girl. When I catch myself in the mirror I am honestly shocked, no matter how many times I catch a glimpse it just doesn't sink in... Which brings me to my next point..
We avoid mirrors like the plague! In case you were all unaware, mirrors are a silent evil, no one talks about it, but they're everywhere! Watching you, unforgivingly showing off all your (not so tiny) flaws. Personally, my most hated mirrors are the ones you find in most change rooms, the ones on every wall!! No where is safe to look, you're down to your underwear and from every angles you can see all your rolls and wobbly bits staring back at you!
Now this one might just be me! 9 out of 10 of my facebook photos are years old. or ones from flattering angles (aka your from the top myspace angled shot that's good for hiding the double chin). I am addicted to untagging my face sbook photos, if any of my friends are lucky enough to trick me into taking a photo of me and then tag me, I swiftly untag it before anyone can check out my wobbly physique. Let me know if I'm alone.
Most of the similarities big girls have come down to one thing, shame! We're all ashamed of where we've gotten and who we've become because despite all of the things in our lives that have emotionally, or otherwise contributed to our weight problem, at the end of the day we put that mars bar in our mouths and we decided that 3 pieces of pizza just weren't enough. And the power to change things can only come from us. You can get all the advice in the world, but until you decide that you have to change, nothing will be different.
Tomorrow is my first weigh in day! I will definitly be updated and letting you know how much I've lost as well as how my week has been.
as i always say you are an insperation xxoo
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