I'm sitting here, eating a mandarin and feeling pretty good about myself which is a big change from how I've felt for the past couple of weeks. My life's been a little stressful lately. I have a housing inspection on Friday and a LOT of cleaning left to do, I'm starting my new job on Sunday and I'm still battling the junk food war.
Braden and I went on a HUGE grocery shop on Tuesday so I have a lot of delicious and healthy food to eat. We also bought a scale. I'm..... 143kgs -shudder-. How disgusting. Never in my wildest nightmares did I ever think I would possibly get that fat. It happened though. This scale is also one of those ones that work out your BMI and fat percentage and all that stuff. You program you gender, age and height into it and then you stand on it, it shows you your weight then your percentage of body fat, your BMI, a bunch of other stuff. It even works out how many calories you should eat a day. It's pretty fancy. But this is what happens when I stand on it. It shows me my weight and then it flashes up FATH and goes blank. I checked the error in the manuel and it means that my body fat percentage is over 50%. I guess the manufacturers didn't think there'd be a customer who was quite a fatty as me and didn't even bother programming it into their machines. Ouch.
But still, I'm feeling pretty postive. If the house was clean I'd feel amazing. I wish the cleaning fairies would get here already and do the job for me!
Tuesday, 14 August 2012
Wednesday, 25 July 2012
Food addiction
*le sigh*
It's been a slow week. I haven't been eating too great and I haven't been exercising, also I just got my perioud so I'm feeling super meh and craving junk food like it's going out of style!
I've been thinking a lot lately about junk food addiction. Does it exist? Is it just an excuse that fat people make? I don't really know, but what I do know is this... I know tonnes of people in my life who have stopped smoking and have never smoked again. I dont however know one person who has lost weight an not put it back on at some stage.
If you look at how junk food is designed it's full of fats and sugars that our bodies crave, and this goes back to when we were cavemen and fats and sugars were very rare and were awesome at lessing us build up fat to help us not starve to death through Winter. Our minds have not adjusted at all to modern times where fatty and sugary foods are so plentiful and easily attainable so our brains still tell us that we need more, hoarding away all those fats just in case.
I know not all people are overweight or have isasues with junk food, ubt lets be realistic. Both in the USA and in Australia over 65% of adults are overweight and the numbers are rising.
I guess one of hardest parts of losing weigth and keeping it off is this.. For drug addicts you can remove yourself from the drug culture, for smokers you can never pick up a ciggarette again, for foodaholics you can never stop eating and no matter where you go to buy food there are a million unhealthy options tempting you. It's hard to drive one suburb wihtout going past a Macdonalds and I'd say at least 10% of ads both on the radio and on TV are for junk food. You cant escape it, it's always there.
When I really think about it, it kind of upsets me to think that I'lll probably always be battling with my weight. Do I think I'm addicted to junk food? I think so. I crave junk food like crazy when I dont have it, sometimes I get mood swings and I've been known to manipulate to get it.
If anyone has any opinions, let me know. I really want to know what other people think about this.
It's been a slow week. I haven't been eating too great and I haven't been exercising, also I just got my perioud so I'm feeling super meh and craving junk food like it's going out of style!
I've been thinking a lot lately about junk food addiction. Does it exist? Is it just an excuse that fat people make? I don't really know, but what I do know is this... I know tonnes of people in my life who have stopped smoking and have never smoked again. I dont however know one person who has lost weight an not put it back on at some stage.
If you look at how junk food is designed it's full of fats and sugars that our bodies crave, and this goes back to when we were cavemen and fats and sugars were very rare and were awesome at lessing us build up fat to help us not starve to death through Winter. Our minds have not adjusted at all to modern times where fatty and sugary foods are so plentiful and easily attainable so our brains still tell us that we need more, hoarding away all those fats just in case.
I know not all people are overweight or have isasues with junk food, ubt lets be realistic. Both in the USA and in Australia over 65% of adults are overweight and the numbers are rising.
I guess one of hardest parts of losing weigth and keeping it off is this.. For drug addicts you can remove yourself from the drug culture, for smokers you can never pick up a ciggarette again, for foodaholics you can never stop eating and no matter where you go to buy food there are a million unhealthy options tempting you. It's hard to drive one suburb wihtout going past a Macdonalds and I'd say at least 10% of ads both on the radio and on TV are for junk food. You cant escape it, it's always there.
When I really think about it, it kind of upsets me to think that I'lll probably always be battling with my weight. Do I think I'm addicted to junk food? I think so. I crave junk food like crazy when I dont have it, sometimes I get mood swings and I've been known to manipulate to get it.
If anyone has any opinions, let me know. I really want to know what other people think about this.
Tuesday, 10 July 2012
Zumba hurts me
Oh my god! I've exercised this week!!! My cousin invited me to do Zumba with her, my aunt and 2 of her friends. I had a good time but man was it tough and I can feel the pain today for sure!
Also, I've eaten pretty decently this past week considering my lack of money. Certainly a lot better than usual. Right now I'm super battling Macdonalds cravings. I've been battling with my mind about whether or not to get Maccas for the better part of 2 hours but I'm confident the un-fatty part of my conciousness will win out this time!! I have no idea how much if any weight I've lost because I still dont have the cash to go buy a scale.
We do have a few groceries at the moment, certainly not enough to last the week, but probably enough to last 3-4 days. Then i might have to hang out at my parents place and steal all their food. I stole an idea from my friend Brandis blog http://fatgirldiary88.blogspot.com.au/ where you use pebbles in a glass to indicate how many poiunds or kilos you've lost, I htink it'll be really motivational. I think I'll do pounds becuase then there'll be more. I htink I have about 150lbs to lose, not sure though.
If anyone has awesome helthy snack ideas please send them to me. I'm eager for more than just fruit and carrot sticks. :)
Also, I've eaten pretty decently this past week considering my lack of money. Certainly a lot better than usual. Right now I'm super battling Macdonalds cravings. I've been battling with my mind about whether or not to get Maccas for the better part of 2 hours but I'm confident the un-fatty part of my conciousness will win out this time!! I have no idea how much if any weight I've lost because I still dont have the cash to go buy a scale.
We do have a few groceries at the moment, certainly not enough to last the week, but probably enough to last 3-4 days. Then i might have to hang out at my parents place and steal all their food. I stole an idea from my friend Brandis blog http://fatgirldiary88.blogspot.com.au/ where you use pebbles in a glass to indicate how many poiunds or kilos you've lost, I htink it'll be really motivational. I think I'll do pounds becuase then there'll be more. I htink I have about 150lbs to lose, not sure though.
If anyone has awesome helthy snack ideas please send them to me. I'm eager for more than just fruit and carrot sticks. :)
Friday, 6 July 2012
A bit of an update
Wah, I've been having way too many head spins today. I was all pumped to do a workout DVD tonight but everytime I stand up I feel woozy. Medication stuff again. But I'm going to try to find a new doctor tomorrow and book and appointment for next week to get that stuff all sorted.
So since my horribly depressing post the other day I've managed to eat aboslutely no soft drink, take away or junk food which is actually a huge achievment for me. I even ate spinach and fruit. I really need to focus on drinking water and exercising though.
I dont have a scale at the moment but I plan on buying one early next week. Also I'm going to be buying myself a journal to jot down all the super boring details of my day. Make it a routine to write down every night how I felt that day, what I ate, etc.
Let me tell you what I've eaten today.
I woke up and made myselft some porridge with honey. For lunch I ate a chicken roll with spinach with some light mayo and I ate some grainwaves and some toast. I'm going to eat some watermelon and yoghurt soon too.
The only thing that's going to be tough over the weekend is that my partner and I have absolutely no money, and by that I mean zero dollars and almost no food int he house. There is no meat at the moment. We have some spinach left and a carrot, but no other vegatables. We cant go shopping until after 9:00pm Monday night.
There isn't really much of a purpose to this post. Just a bit of an update. I might not post again til after I have scales and some groceries but we'll see.
So since my horribly depressing post the other day I've managed to eat aboslutely no soft drink, take away or junk food which is actually a huge achievment for me. I even ate spinach and fruit. I really need to focus on drinking water and exercising though.
I dont have a scale at the moment but I plan on buying one early next week. Also I'm going to be buying myself a journal to jot down all the super boring details of my day. Make it a routine to write down every night how I felt that day, what I ate, etc.
Let me tell you what I've eaten today.
I woke up and made myselft some porridge with honey. For lunch I ate a chicken roll with spinach with some light mayo and I ate some grainwaves and some toast. I'm going to eat some watermelon and yoghurt soon too.
The only thing that's going to be tough over the weekend is that my partner and I have absolutely no money, and by that I mean zero dollars and almost no food int he house. There is no meat at the moment. We have some spinach left and a carrot, but no other vegatables. We cant go shopping until after 9:00pm Monday night.
There isn't really much of a purpose to this post. Just a bit of an update. I might not post again til after I have scales and some groceries but we'll see.
Wednesday, 4 July 2012
Tuesday, 3 July 2012
Well, that sucked.
Wow... Well I feel kind of dirty posting here. How dare I desecrate this temple of positivity and hopefullness. But unfortunately I failed. I failed my partner, and my family and my friends... But mostly myself. I made a vow to keep at it and feel good and send my life in a positive direction but before I had even made any real headway I stopped. I had a couple of bad weeks and told myself that when I lost the weight that I'd put on I'd get back to it, but instead I just pretended that everything was alright, ignored my blog and my weight has slowly crept up to the point where I'm afraid to step on a set of scales.
Right now my life is rubbish. I've lost my job, my depression has gotten worse again, I hate myself more than I can remember ever doing so. I want to be someone different. I want to be healthy and happy and beautiful but I dont know if I ever will. I know that right now I should be all 'This is it, new day, new life. I will be better starting tomorrow, blah blah blah' but right now I feel like I dont have it in me. How do I get that motivation back? How do I wake up evey morning and do what I'm supposed to? It all seems so foreign to me.
I read back through my blog hoping it would help inspire me to get back into it but instead I read it and felt terrible. I gave up, if I had have kept going I would be so much better then I am now, so much happier. Instead I'm this massive blob of low self esteem slowly becoming one with my recliner.
I'm not going to post this on facebook, I'm too ashamed. I hope that this feeling is just a momentary slump and tomorrow I will have a more motivated perspective and can get the ball rolling again. At the very least least I hope that I get my depression under control, and maybe reblogging will help a little.
Right now my life is rubbish. I've lost my job, my depression has gotten worse again, I hate myself more than I can remember ever doing so. I want to be someone different. I want to be healthy and happy and beautiful but I dont know if I ever will. I know that right now I should be all 'This is it, new day, new life. I will be better starting tomorrow, blah blah blah' but right now I feel like I dont have it in me. How do I get that motivation back? How do I wake up evey morning and do what I'm supposed to? It all seems so foreign to me.
I read back through my blog hoping it would help inspire me to get back into it but instead I read it and felt terrible. I gave up, if I had have kept going I would be so much better then I am now, so much happier. Instead I'm this massive blob of low self esteem slowly becoming one with my recliner.
I'm not going to post this on facebook, I'm too ashamed. I hope that this feeling is just a momentary slump and tomorrow I will have a more motivated perspective and can get the ball rolling again. At the very least least I hope that I get my depression under control, and maybe reblogging will help a little.
Monday, 5 March 2012
My computer's broken!
Okay, well overdue post that will be updated now SUPER fast from the work computer..
Weigh in day today. I am 133 exactly. Now most of you are think, 'What?! you put on .55, that sucks.' well in reality, I put on 1.9 and then lost 1.4 so it's way worse then that. After sydney I stepped on the scale and almost cried, 1.9 gain, that's the same as I'd lost the previous week, what a ridiculous gain. I didn't eat too well but I didn't think I'd done THAT badly. But this week I've done okay, not too bad and .55 too lose and I'm back to where I was and then I'll keep going down.
I will go into more detail later when my computer is working.
P.S Emma at Genetics is an awesome personal trainer and runs an awesome circuit. Look her up if you looking to shed a few.
Weigh in day today. I am 133 exactly. Now most of you are think, 'What?! you put on .55, that sucks.' well in reality, I put on 1.9 and then lost 1.4 so it's way worse then that. After sydney I stepped on the scale and almost cried, 1.9 gain, that's the same as I'd lost the previous week, what a ridiculous gain. I didn't eat too well but I didn't think I'd done THAT badly. But this week I've done okay, not too bad and .55 too lose and I'm back to where I was and then I'll keep going down.
I will go into more detail later when my computer is working.
P.S Emma at Genetics is an awesome personal trainer and runs an awesome circuit. Look her up if you looking to shed a few.
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